Wednesday, 11 May 2016
"The bad times that I've gone through have only made me appreciate life more" by Barry Moloney, VHL patient
I was sitting in Dr O'Donnell's office with my Uncle Brian. She told me the cancer was very small, that it was very early stages. She told me how good this was. In a way I was so relieved to hear that, but on the other hand, Cancer is Cancer. It doesn't matter if it's small because we all know that no matter how small it is it's going to grow and it's going to spread. On some level I knew this was coming, before the annual scans I tried my best to prepare myself for the worst. On another level I was completely shocked. No matter how hard you try to prepare for something like this, you never expect the worst to actually happen. To be completely honest, a part of me just wanted to get on a plane and leave. Just get away from it all. I've had this feeling many times since then. The day I was told the cancer had to come out. The week before the surgery. The day before the surgery. The morning of the surgery. All I wanted was to get away. Leave it all behind. Not be in pain. I of course, came to my senses and realised that this is my life now. If my Mam can go through 3 major surgeries and fight every single day of her life, I sure as hell can do it too.
I can tell you now, Cancer is not fun or romantic. Movies tend to romanticise it quite a bit when in actuality it's the most heartbreaking experience anyone could ever go through. I'm going to use the clichéd statement of "you never think it's going to happen to you". You really don't. You go along with your life thinking everything is going to work out until that day. It's hard to describe. It's almost as if you faze out for a few moments and "your life flashes before your eyes", another overused but completely true statement. I thought about my family and friends. I wondered how I was going to break the news to everyone. I thought back on when I was a kid, when the hardest thing in my life was my homework.
That moment the anesthetist says "Bye Barry, see you later", you don't even have time to realise that these could be the very last words you will ever hear. I made it out like this surgery was no big deal and that I was completely fine having it to all the people I love, knowing full well to myself that this surgery could very well be the end of me. Weeks before the surgery I wrote a letter. I really would suggest everyone should write down the things they need to say to the people they love. Looking back now though it probably wasn't very good for me to be thinking about death at that stage, but that's the thing with cancer. You never know what could happen. With me, the cancer was close to the major blood vessels in the kidney. No one can say that you're going to be ok and be completely sure. It's impossible. I'm not a child anymore. I've seen enough in my life to know things don't always go to plan. Whether it's a post operative infection or a post operative bleed. There's no way of knowing what's going to happen in the future. No matter how much you pray, what's going to happen is going to happen.
That was the worst pain I had ever felt. That's what I thought, until December 4th 2015. That
Months before her passing Marie vowed that she would climb the Queen Maeve Trail up Knocknarea Mountain, Strandhill. That dream of hers never came true as she became too sick. However, her family and friends will honour her memory by taking part in Strandhill’s 32nd Annual Warrior’s Run up Knocknarea Mountain on the 27th of August. All the money raised will be donated to the VHL Alliance to find a cure for this disease so other children don’t have to lose their parents so soon in their lives.
VHL has taken so much from me, my childhood, my Mam and even part of my body. My life has changed dramatically since that winter morning when I was 11 years old. The story doesn't end there. I know that eventually VHL could take my life, but it hasn't taken it yet. I still have a whole life to experience. The bad times that I've gone through have only made me appreciate life more. I'm going to fight as hard as my mother did to the very end.